A Gift of Self

Continuing tidbits from Facing Infertility A Catholic Approach -

God created Adam and Eve for one another.  God established marriage as a "communion of life and love by which a man and a woman share with one another a sincere gift of self." p.35

"In the loving act where the two become one flesh, men and women reflect the very image of God." p. 35 God created our bodies to be a gift to be freely given.A husband makes himself a gift to his wife and a wife maker herself a gift for her husband.

The Catholic faith teaches that sex is designed for two purposes: to bring husband and wife together in an intimate union of persons that strengthens their mutual love for one another (unitive) and to cooperate with God in bringing forth new life (procreative).  Christopher West has a great book if you are interested in learning more about this:  Good News About Sex and Marriage.  Unfortunately, many Catholics were not taught these purposes of marriage.  Society has skewed the view of children being a "right" that everyone should have if they want it.

Jean, the author, goes on to share some moral guidelines to the treatment of infertility and the struggles that occur as a result.

Please consider reading this book for your own knowledge and to help those you know dealing with infertility.

Till next time . . .

Please share your feedback.  Are you enjoying to tidbits? Do you have information to add to this? I'd love to hear from you.

The Ultimate Gift

Children are the ultimate gift.  I've been sharing about infertility and the pain that couples struggle with not being able to conceive.  For some, that leads them to adopt a child.  That desire to adopt is a gift.  The Birthmother who makes an adoption plan for her child is also giving  a gift to a couple that is truly selfless.  Her love for her child surpasses anything else.  She want the absolute best for her child and believes that having an adoptive couple raise her child is what is best.  God has his hands in all of that!! What a gift she is giving and what a gift the adoptive couple is giving to her - peace of mind knowing that her child will have a wonderful life.

I'd like to continue sharing some tidbits from Facing Infertility A Catholic Approach.

Catholic couples dealing with infertility have a great resource available to them which is NaProTECHNOLOGY.  Some parishes also have support groups to help couples bear the heavy burden of infertility.  Be a good listener if you know of someone going through infertility.  Some times they may want to talk and others they may not.

If you suspect you may be having trouble conceiving, you can consult a doctor,  Many doctors will see you after 12 months of conscious trying to conceive.  If you are using Natural Family Planning consistantly trying to achieve for 6 months and are unsuccessful then you are ready to go see the doctor.  There could be an underlying problem.  A NaProTECHNOLOGY doctor would be able to help look at issues related to the woman's body and her fertility.  These doctors are able to help 70% of couples struggling with infertility to conceive.

Prayer from p. 28
Answer me when I call, O God of my right!
You gave me room when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer . . . .
But know that the Lord has set apart the faithful for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him . . .
put your trust in the Lord.
-Psalm 4:1, 3, 5b

If I am not a mother, then who am I?

I hope you are enjoying some tidbits from the book Facing Infertility A Ctholic Approach by Jean Dimech-Juchniewicz.  I have been touched by this book since I, too, dealt with infertility and at the time there was not a book that really captured all the feeling I had throughout the journey.  I hope I can help others with these tidbits and inspire them to read this great book.

In Chapter 1, Jean refers to the marriage vows in the Catholic church that she and her husband stated that they would accept children lovingly from God and raise them in the faith.  She, like many, assumed they wouldn't have any trouble conceiving healthy children.  They had watched their family members do it without any problem.  They even painted the room and began their journey towards conception only to feel a tremendous loss due to infertility.  My husband and I went through the same feelings.  We had not known anyone who struggled with infertility until we did.  That thought hadn't entered our minds when we got married.

Jean goes on to mention that she questioned her own identity.  "If I am not a mother, then who am I?" Infertility takes away many things that other couples take for granted:  the sense of control over one's own body; the ability to plan for the future; the capacity to conceive a child with one's spouse; for a woman, the physical, emotional, and social experience of a healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and the ability to nurse her child."  For the man, he loses "the experience of fathering a child with is wife and journeying with her through pregnancy and labor and delivery; the continuity of family heredity; the opportunity to look into a child's face and see a resemblance to one's own; the cultural trappings of entering parenthood the way most other couples do." (p. 16-17)  I couldn't have said it better myself.

Infertility also brings out feelings of envy and shame which can bring guilt and anger.  All of those are normal. It is important that both spouses talk together about what they are feeling so they can support each other.

For those who haven't dealt with infertility I hope these statements help you to see how much is really going on.  Perhaps you can reach out to those dealing with infertility now with a new understanding.

Until next time . . .

"I couldn't look in the mirror without feeling like a failure."

This is from p. 5 of Facing Infertility A Catholic Approach.  This says it all.  I had this same thought many a day.  God made women to have children, right? Well As Jean, the author, describes these feelings as normal.  It seems as Jean was going through these feelings, she was surrounded by pregnant co-workers, baby showers, etc. and it was very difficult to act normal and happy for them while she was so devastated herself.  Sound familiar to any of you?  Jean did end up having surgery because one of her tubes was swollen and twisted and when the doctor came to talk to her afterwards he offered little hope of ever conceiving.  Jean and her husband went to another doctor and he told them IVF would work.  They spoke up against IVF because of their Catholic beliefs.  They asked if the tubes could be fixed.  The doctor looked at them as if they were crazy.  He told them IVF was one of the ways God makes miracles happen.  After reiterating their strong belief in not supporting IVF he told them they would never conceive.

This news was absolutely devastating!  Jean and her husband then started the process of adoption.  The process was long and full of paperwork but in 2005 they brought their son home from Korea.  When they returned home they found out Jean was pregnant!  Shocking!  Their two sons are 14 months apart.  Her pregnancy was difficult including 3 months of bed rest.  They returned to Korea to adopt their third child, a daughter, in 2008.  Finished now?

No! They felt like God wasn't finished building their family so they started trying again to achieve a pregnancy beginning in 2010.  This time they were well informed on NaProTECHNOLOGY and went to a doctor trained in this method.  He actually diagnosed and was treating the underlying causes of Jean's infertility.

To find a doctor in your area who is trained in NaProTECHNOLOGY, visit the Web site of Fertility Care Centers of America at www.fertilitycare.org and click on your state or region under "Find a Medical Consultant.

To learn more about NaProTECHNOLOGY, go to www.naproptechnology.com.

I would love to hear about your experiences or if you have had friends travel a similar road to Jean.  Thanks for reading.