If I am not a mother, then who am I?

I hope you are enjoying some tidbits from the book Facing Infertility A Ctholic Approach by Jean Dimech-Juchniewicz.  I have been touched by this book since I, too, dealt with infertility and at the time there was not a book that really captured all the feeling I had throughout the journey.  I hope I can help others with these tidbits and inspire them to read this great book.

In Chapter 1, Jean refers to the marriage vows in the Catholic church that she and her husband stated that they would accept children lovingly from God and raise them in the faith.  She, like many, assumed they wouldn't have any trouble conceiving healthy children.  They had watched their family members do it without any problem.  They even painted the room and began their journey towards conception only to feel a tremendous loss due to infertility.  My husband and I went through the same feelings.  We had not known anyone who struggled with infertility until we did.  That thought hadn't entered our minds when we got married.

Jean goes on to mention that she questioned her own identity.  "If I am not a mother, then who am I?" Infertility takes away many things that other couples take for granted:  the sense of control over one's own body; the ability to plan for the future; the capacity to conceive a child with one's spouse; for a woman, the physical, emotional, and social experience of a healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and the ability to nurse her child."  For the man, he loses "the experience of fathering a child with is wife and journeying with her through pregnancy and labor and delivery; the continuity of family heredity; the opportunity to look into a child's face and see a resemblance to one's own; the cultural trappings of entering parenthood the way most other couples do." (p. 16-17)  I couldn't have said it better myself.

Infertility also brings out feelings of envy and shame which can bring guilt and anger.  All of those are normal. It is important that both spouses talk together about what they are feeling so they can support each other.

For those who haven't dealt with infertility I hope these statements help you to see how much is really going on.  Perhaps you can reach out to those dealing with infertility now with a new understanding.

Until next time . . .